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haiku
December 2007 
Friends w/ Benefits
Lobster John
Friends with benefits (Fw/B) is a term attached to what I can only describe as a verbal contract extended to me by a very attractive young woman I know. Now, being a fully functioning heterosexual male, this offer is an intriguing one. However, I have a tendency to shade it with the light of such offers as "You may already have won $10,000,000 dollars", "no-hassle financing" and "100% guaranteed!" Too good to be true.
On the one hand, the concept of a no strings attached type of relationship is interesting. It would put sexual relations on the same par as say... a good workout partner. You may go out for a beer after hitting the "gym" but, there isn't any obligation beyond the agreed upon activity. I would think it could possibly even lend to more creative, experimental type activity to make up for the lack of emotional investment. Which may also facilitate practices that, in a committed relationship, one may shy away from due to their potentially devastating effects (i.e. threesomes).
However, I think the term no strings attached is a bit of a misnomer. It should maybe be reclassified as less strings attached. Lets face it, sex is the second most intimate thing you can do with another person (in my opinion kissing is number 1. Which is often, but not always, included with number 2). Therefore, it would be insane to think that there weren't some strings attached. Hell, even the term, friends with benefits, implies that strings are attached, i.e. friendship. And that friendship alone sets this relationship apart from that of the one-night-stand, which is essentially (often enhanced with various types of alcoholic beverages) the manifestation of the human sexual animal. Basically the desire to sleep with someone that you, in the moment, find attractive but would really rather never have to see again.
It seems that now would be a good time to classify potential consensual sexual relationships between humans. Being heterosexual I think in terms of man/woman relationships. However, I think that these would also apply to alternative configurations of human sexuality.
Cheating - (mistress/whatever the masculine term for mistress is)
Cheating - anonymous
Anonymous one-night-stand
Known one-night-stand (drunk co-workers at company Christmas party)
Fw/B
Dating
Exclusive dating
Engaged
Married
Did I miss anything? One may look at my classifications and contend that cheating with a mistress implies more attachment to the sexual relationship. And that may well be, this is probably my own bias. However, I think that having one of the top three sexual configurations and engaging in a second, clandestine version of one of the top four, again in my opinion, is the lowest form of sexual relation because it degrades the soul. There is nothing good about it. If you aren't solely committed to one of the top three, you shouldn't be in the top three. I feel that emotional cheating is far worse than physically cheating. But, that is not my topic today.
So, Fw/B flies mid shot pattern in the spectrum of human sexual relations. Therefore, there are obviously some strings attached. But to this point I think I've only been discussing strings between two people. What about personal strings? I attach considerable strings to my sexual relations. Having participated in six of the nine sexual relationship categories (I've never been a cheater... I have an extremely overactive conscious, and I'm new to the Fw/B concept) Maybe it's me that can't get into the Fw/B mindset. Maybe, although I do love sex, I want more than just friction.
In the Fw/B equation, invariably one will invest more interest, subtly hidden emotion or desired upgrade than the other. Although agreeing upon the terms of the verbal contract laid out in Fw/B, one will become more attached than the other and that, in essence, is the slippery slope that is the downfall of Fw/B. Or... at least why I feel it wouldn't work for me.
Anyone have any thoughts on the matter?
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