I’ve always wanted to keep a journal. I can’t stand to hold a pen. This is my blog.

I’ve had little experience with blogs, however I have lots on my mind. So, I suppose that this is where I can purge my mental constipation. I am a police officer and therefore I am in contact with a less ideal side of life on a daily basis. I would assume that in my blog I would discuss my thoughts on various situations I am forced to deal with from time to time.

I am not an idealist. Nor am I a pessimist. I would call myself a realist… but I’m really uncertain on the current state of real. I guess you could say I’m a floater… I surf the gamete. I am hoping that writing here will help me discover what I really think about… well most things. I know what I think I think… but that isn’t always what you really think when things come to a head.

Happy to be here.

Great Gig in the Ale House.  Tonight I'm playing at a micro brew in Grand Junction, Colorado.  The Ale House. It's a really cool place with an awesome vibe.   However, I'm dragging because I had to work last night on DUI patrol. 

Side note on DUI patrol.  It seems recently that the number of DUI's I have come into contact with has dropped dramatically.  Maybe the collective consciousness is becoming more aware and responsible in their consumption of alcohol and transportation needs.  Here's hoping.

So I got off work at 3:30a, to sleep around 5a, oldest daughter banging on my door at 7a because she didn't have the right shoes at her mothers house!  Makes for one damn tired Lobster. 

Concert started around 6:30.  It was very cool... loads of people, friends and new friends.   Played for a few hours... had a great meal, made some money.  But then it's time to go home because A) very tired  B) have to work at 7a on Sunday.   Packing up my stuff... and this really beautiful woman came up and asked me to go out dancing... at a country bar.  Now musicians on the whole are notoriously terrible dancers.  And I am no exception.  And I have to work at 7a.  I'm tired...   I went dancing.

I've come to the conclusion that when you put all the great accomplishments into a pot and boil it down to the essence.... at the very core... there is a guy trying to impress a girl.  So I went dancing... and got home at... well... last I check was around 1a. 

I hope the coffee shop opens on time tomorrow.

Coffee shop opened 2 1/2 mins late. Oh the humanity!

Today was better than yesterday... coffee shop was open when I came on duty. My first voyage into procreation was supposed to start middle school today. She was so lit up it was almost poetic. The girl loves school... Well, damn school was closed! yep, first day of school... and the school called in sick.

Apparently the school was being renovated and the renovations had not yet been renovated. So she spent the day on my couch... I gave her a copy of The Alchemst, said it was a good book and she'd love it.

So, there I am sitting down with a fellow officer and the detective getting ready for lunch. Ordered... hungry... And boom. Dispatched to a 911 hang up. Story of my life... if you're hungry... you get a call. A few minutes later I'm standing in someones living room with a meth freak screaming at me. God I love my job! [read w/ small note of sarcasm]

Dealing with irrational people in life and death situations really is a study in the practical application of ideas and concepts. I love people that love peace... but show me someone who refuses to go hands on when a meth freak is trying to kill them and I'll show you a person who is fast losing the luxury of ideals. Right or wrong there is a time when you have to go hands on. The key is know when that time is... and not producing that time, before it's time.

There are those who will not go gentle into that good night. This incident was marginally succesful... I didn't have to fight with him. However, I think the time is coming. I am a peaceful person... But if it's me or them... I will always be the one who goes home. Curious, if anyone wishes, to know what you think about that.

relax • sink • breathe

So apparently I am not the daily blog kinda guy. Hmm… Well maybe its because I’m too busy? Or maybe I just haven't had anything to say. I’ll have to meditate on that some. But for now it’s my goal to write here at least four days a week.

I got my girls off to school today then came home and told Penny we were going mountain biking. My dog loves to go mountain biking with me. And, since I live in one of the best mountain biking towns in the world, it has developed into a passion of mine. We loaded up the gear and took off in the Jeep for the Kokopelli trailhead.

After biking I had scheduled some afternoon zen practice. However, in my daytimer I misspelled it replacing the “z” with an “r” and the “n” with an “m”. So, I took a nap.

Played another concert tonight in the park. It was nice, but it threatened to rain the entire time and I fought the wind for the microphone. But, in the end, I won the battle. The wind will always win the war.

A couple weeks ago I had an interesting conversation within a bizarre situation. I was getting ready to get my kids off to Kansas to visit their grandfather, then in the afternoon I had to meet with my buddies to get ready for a two-day raft trip we were going to take the next day.

I’ve always been a good sleeper. Always. So when my phone rang at around 8:30, naturally, I was sleeping. I woke up and answered the phone. Well, I assume that’s what happened… I was talking on the phone when I actually became aware that I was awake. That ever happen to anyone else?

A woman I work with was asking me if I was free for lunch. I was unsure what was exactly happening… but I’m not one to turn down free food. So, I agreed thinking that some sort of work exchange was the goal. You see she is extremely religious Christian, which anyone who knows me knows I’m not. And, she is considerably older than I. But, when she asked if I would like to go to dinner or lunch… a light was popping on.

So, as the light foretold, this was a date. We met for lunch and had a short discussion, which confused me. Then she came forward with the confirmation that we were on a date. So the conversation flowed to two specific points. First, that I had started dating an old friend and was, at the time, unavailable. Second, that I wasn’t a Christian.

The first point was immediately accepted. In a bit of a flattering way it seemed she expected that. However, the second point was different. When I said I wasn’t a Christian she immediately brushed it off saying that I “had a bad experience”. Sometimes it seems that Christians (not all, but some) think that is the only reason you wouldn’t be a Christian. I explained to her that it wasn’t that I had a bad experience. I further said that I had been a philosophy major in college, studied many religions and that Christianity didn’t make sense to me. It didn’t make me warm when a cold breeze came through. Then the inevitable phrase came out, “If you accept Jesus Christ as your lord and savior and that he died on the cross for your sins”. This is an interesting phrase… when it comes out it sounds like they’ve said it more times than they’ve said their own name.

There is a pivotal point that one must agree with, a belief you must have to follow that path. I told her that, within the Judeo-Christian context, I don’t believe in God. Its strange when you tell a devout Christian that you don’t believe in God it’s like they actually flinch and look up to the sky in anticipation of the lightening bolt that is surly going to come down and smite you. I don't beleive that god is some old dude with a beard playing chess with my life.

She then said, “You aren’t one of those people who believe that rocks have energy are you?” I explained to her that I believe that all things in the world have energy, are connected through that energy. Therefore, in my mind, that connection… the mass of energy that makes up all living things, and maybe to some extent, all other things… that is god. Empathy is our ability to feel that connection… not just see it, or acknowledge it, but to FEEL it.

I could see that a discussion on the aspect of chi, levels of chi, or even the word wasn’t going to happen. So I switched gears to talk about religion in general. “I don’t believe in religion” I said. The worst evils that have been done to man have been done in the name of religion. “It’s not a sin to kill a Muslim “ was a slogan in the crusades wasn’t it? How quick they forget that “Thou shall not kill”.

I think it was the movie Dogma that examined the difference between a belief and an idea. I loved that. A belief can’t change without a lack of faith. An idea can be molded, formed, discarded for a better one. But a belief can only be clung to. Beliefs are the bricks and boards that build the tool of religion. And the tool of religion manipulates and adjusts the masses. Masses need the tool because we are innately afraid of the fact that we are all flawed beings. We all have light and dark issues and think we are the only ones who have them. We all have closets. How do we use them… do we light them up and examine the strong and weak points of their construction? Do we put big locks on them, cover them with the wallpaper of religion and deny they belong to us. Do we say they belong to the guy who was here before us, some dude named Satan. Bad guy.

Lunch ended quickly. She’s a nice woman and I consider her a friend.

Guess I had something to say today. :-)

So I've been thinking about my last blog entry.  It's not that I specifically don't believe in God, more over that I don't believe in religion.  I'm all into the higher power idea. However, I'm not so sure it's a being.  I think it's more of a soup. I believe in the higher soup.  :-)

The soup, in my opinion, is made up of all the energy that binds the world and keeps the world in balance.  When the world falls out of balance the soup leans one way or the other to re-set the balance.  Hmm... I kinda like that. 

I have had first hand experience with Divine Soup Intervention, or what I like to call DSI.  Situations where I have had the divine soup lean on me to re-set an imbalance that I  (or those I was with) was causing or about to cause. 

DSI Colorado Case Study #1

A group of co-workers and I recently went on a two day rafting trip down the Colorado River.  We rafted from Colorado to Utah.  It was a beautiful day... lots of floating, good companionship and Heineken beer  in a can.  It was awesome.  We found a wonderful camp spot that was isolated and spectacular. 

As my buddies were attempting to diminish our supply of hops enriched refreshment I started putting up my tent.  I figured Penny and I would take my two man tent so I brought a spare for the guys.  "Hell no!  I'm gonna sleep under the stars!" was the response when I suggested they put up the other tent.  I explained that it may be a good thing to have if the weather changes.  "The birds are flying... it ain't gonna rain!" 

So there I was putting rocks on the stakes of my North Face four season tent to the sound of hysterical laughter and slanderous remarks to the like of "rock boy!"  I just continued doing my thing.  One of my buddies is an excellent cook.  He had marinated steaks, shrimp kabobs, and banana boats.  It was freakin' awesome!  Man that guy can cook a meal. 

There we are... my tent set up, dinner finished.   Now, there is a fire ban in Colorado because of dry weather conditions.  In Utah the ban is not in effect.  We don't know if we are in Colorado or Utah... we are close... but not exactly sure.  The guys want to start a camp fire.  I went on record saying that I thought it wasn't a good idea.  They noted my concern and proceeded.  They dug a nice two ring fire pit in the sand... gathered wood and stuffed it with dry grass, "Nature's lighter fluid" one buddy said. 

I told them I was going to go check on the boats as they were about to fire it up.  I again said that I didn't think it was a good idea.  Then, right then, one of my buddies said, "If God didn't want me to start a fire he wouldn't let me!"  Within 30 seconds of him lighting the campfire thunder, lightning, 50-60 mile an hour winds, pouring rain and hail!  It was a whole mess of soup. 

The guys immediately buried the fire and started trying to set up the second tent.  However, without any rocks on the stakes the tent flew into the air with a buddy hanging on like a para-sailor!  The entire campsite was destroyed and all were huddled behind one tree to shelter them from the wind, sand and rain mixture that was pelting us.  I then said, "Hmm... maybe we shouldn't be huddled around the biggest tree during a lightning storm?"  It was a bit insane. 

The wind finally died down and we were able to get the second tent up.  Unfortunately the banana boats sailed away in the rain and wind.  The boys go into their tent and I got into mine with a wet, muddy scared lab puppy.  About an hour later, not a cloud in the sky.  Last thing my buddy said was, "Guess god didn't want a campfire." 

DSI - We were out of balance with nature and the divine soup leaned on us to correct the balance. 

DSI Colorado (names witheld to protect the embarrased)

If love is an illusion... I think it's my favorite illusion.